I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
