we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
