my room smells like sperm. sweet.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
