I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I want to fling myself into the sun
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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