I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
