last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
