i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
