Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
