i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
