You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
