got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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