Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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