So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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