i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
