You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
