Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
