So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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