my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
