NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
