I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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