whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
