so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Pooping to opera.
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