I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
