My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
