I just made out with a guy for $7.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
