dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
