Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
