I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
