I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
