I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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