That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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