Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
