I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
