we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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