break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
