Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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