gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
