chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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