True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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