he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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