It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
