you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
