When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
