Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
