I don't think brook has ever known best
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
