I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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