Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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