im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
