Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
