to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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