dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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