She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
