did you get engaged???
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
