I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
