We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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