mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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