my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
