I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
