Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
